Amatör
22kommentarer
Selma är mitt tredje barn. Många tycker att det borde innebära att jag är van vid bebislivet, eller rättare sagt att jag ska ha koll på allt som har med spädbarn att göra. Men så är det såklart inte.
1, 2, 3
Inte mer än så. Tre gånger har jag inte varit med om detta. Tre. Inte hundra.
Är du en globetrotter tredje gången du är utomlands? Eller är du sömmerska den tredje gången du fållar ett par gardiner? Nä, såklart inte. Det krävs mer än så.
Varje barn är unikt. Varje bebis är en egen individ som kommer att reagera och agera på sitt eget lilla vis. Bara för att jag har två barn sedan tidigare så vet jag inte hur Selma kommer att bli. Men det fattar nog de flesta av er. Däremot finns det en rad förväntningar på en tredjegångs mamma. Det började redan på MVC och har bara fortsatt sedan dess. Egentligen är det inget konstigt med det. Vissa saker ÄR självklara när man gör det för tredje gången och det vore dumt att inte erkänna det. Men dessa förväntningar blir ibland jobbiga för en sådan som jag.
Jag har stora krav på mig själv. Det är jag medveten om. Jag vet också att dessa krav ibland tenderar att bli för hårda och att jag måste lära mig att slappna av och att "enough is enough".
Selma är bebis. Hon vill vara nära. Hon vill äta jätteofta. Hon har ont i magen ibland och hon skriker rätt så mycket. Det är helt normalt. Det är sådan hon är just nu. Det kommer att bli annorlunda sedan. Men ÄNDÅ. Trots att jag vet detta så undrar jag vad jag gör fel. Jag undrar varför jag inte kan vara en bättre mamma åt mitt spädbarn. Jag får ångest när jag blir arg på henne för att hon skriker. Jag känner mig stundtals helt värdelös. Jag borde ju vara så mycket klokare/tryggare/lugnare eftersom jag är trebarnsmamma...
Men så kommer jag ihåg hur det var den tredje gången jag försökte fålla gardiner. Då inser jag att man inte blir proffs på tre försök. Jag är en amatör. Och vet ni vad? Jag är en förbaskat normal amatör!
Detta inlägg ska jag läsa varje gång känslan av att inte duga kommer. Kanske fattar jag då vad jag egentligen redan vet. Att alla bebisar är unika och att jag och ingen annan är den absolut bästa mamma för Selma.
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